“Never ask a man if he’s from Texas.
If he is, he’ll tell you on his own.
If he ain’t, no need to embarrass him”
Here are some of my favorites:
There are a lot of nooses in his family tree
A drought usually ends with a flood.
Pigs get fat; hogs get slaughtered.
A worm is the only animal that can’t fall down.
You can’t get lard unless you boil the hog.
Don’t hang your wash on someone else’s line.
Don’t get all ate up about it.
Skin your own buffalo.
All hat and no cattle
Short arms and deep pockets
Too poor to paint, too proud to whitewash
He’s like a blister–he doesn’t show up till the work’s all done
He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and the directions on the heel
They planted their crop before they built their fence.
This ain’t my first rodeo
He thinks the sun rises jest to hear him crow
He’ll break his arm to pat his self on the back
He shot more deer in that bar
We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet
Just because a chicken has wings doesn’t mean it can fly
You can put your boots in the oven, but that don’t make em biscuits
Don’t worry ’bout the mule son, just load the wagon
Don’t call him a cowboy, till you’ve seen him ride
If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there
It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep
Always drink upstream from the herd
Never miss a good chance to shut up
He’s about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt
It happened faster than a knife fight in a phone booth
He could tear up a railroad track with a rubber hammer
Like trying to scratch his ear with his elbow
Happy as a gopher in soft dirt
Don’t piss on my foot and call it rain
Don’t sell your mule to buy a plow
Don’t name a pig you plan to eat
Plow around the stump
Its easier to get the cat out of the bag, then back in it